I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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