My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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