I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
