they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
