In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
