I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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