I wannas sexs uuuuu
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
