Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
