My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize