the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
