i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
