Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
