I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how can u be prego again
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
