I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
