remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
