I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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