she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
