I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
