This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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