Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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