It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
