My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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