Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
