The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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