I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
