So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
