3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
