Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize