I don't usually arrange sex via text message
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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