I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
