the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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