His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
