im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You are a genius and a whore.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
