I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
