Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize