The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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