I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
