Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
