Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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