I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
