i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
