): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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