Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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