I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
