He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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