I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
