Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
