Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize