Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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