I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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