there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
