God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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