Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
