bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
