3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
