you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
