We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
