Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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