Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
