best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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