I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
