You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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