So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
