I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
