I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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