He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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