She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
