I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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