Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
