you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
