Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
