I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
