I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
