Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
