Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
