What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize