just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
