just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
