Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I understand Curling. That high.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
