We won't sleep together?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just cropdusted the office
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize