I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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