It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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