Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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