community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
