the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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