i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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