HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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