Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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