I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
