i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
