i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
