At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
