I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
