like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
