he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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