Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
