Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
