none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think my moral compass just broke
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
