drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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