Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
