Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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