just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
