He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
