Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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