Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
