all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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